Me Thinks

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


The word "unconditionally" is almost always in the same sentence as the word "love". Is there anything called unconditional love? Don't expect a rational answer from the ones who are hopelessly smitten by someone and hope to spend the rest of their lives with that someone. Anybody that doesn't belong to that group can try answering.
I feel the only love thats unconditional is the love a parent (mother?) has towards his/her kid. If the kid hates her, she would still love the kid and that would continue for the rest of her life. Does this happen in any other relationship? When a wife loves her husband or vice-versa, they expect the other to reciprocate the same amount of love. When that doesn't happen, they go separate ways (if not legally at least emotionally) A love-lorn girl or guy loves the other and hopes their love is also reciprocated. How can it be termed unconditional then? I had a friend who was madly in love with a girl and she got married to someone else. He continued to say he loved her unconditionally till he got married. And now he and his wife live happily and a kid is in the offing. Love between friends, siblings etc also fall under the same category - conditional love. Even the love a child has for his/her parents is conditional. When the first (or only) condition for love is "Love me back", it shouldn't be called an unconditional love. Right?


Blogger NaiKutti said...

I absolutely think, thats the only unconditional love. Something that would closely match this would be the people who do social service, without expecting anything back (here too, they consider others as their own kids and do the job)!!...

good one again :-)

11:28 PM  
Blogger Me said...

OMG...9 new posts .....template changed....

i use zh in tamizh :p

have seen lot of ppl like the ones in "MS in the US"

Karma: hope they come up with ways to solve these problem thru phone/online...waiting that too for 2 hrs....thats bad...

and i dont agree with ur views on this post...i wouldn't say ur views are wrong....i just believe that UC love depends upon the individual ....of course there are exceptions but i find it hard to generalize :)

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love between husband and wife can reach that unconditional stage. I dont know how or when or what factors..but it can, I havent seen any...but believe it exisits..

11:48 AM  
Blogger D LordLabak said...

Thanks Naikutti.:-)
Me, welcome back. Back home after your trip? I haven't seen UC love in any other relationship. Katradhu kai Mann Alavu I guess.
uc, you think so? Maybe we'll agree after we see a couple like that in our lifetime.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm.. i used to think that there was something called unconditional love.. but i think its just a perfect case scenario.. the the best we can do is settle for an approximation..

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Deepa,

I am sure you would have come across these words. But still , for your reference.

Love & Marriage . . .

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find
it?" His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front.
Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you
find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love." Plato
walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands,
having picked nothing.
His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato
answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not
turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if
there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I
walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the
earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end. His teacher then
said, "And that is love."

On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How
can I Find it?" His teacher answered, "There is a thriving
forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down
only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found
marriage". Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a
tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either.
It was only an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why
did you chop down such an ordinary tree?" Plato answered, "Because of
my previous experience. I had walked through the field, but
returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt
that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back.
I did not want to miss the opportunity." His teacher then said,
"And that is marriage. You see son Love is the most beautiful
thing to happen to a person, its an opportunity but you don't
realize its worth when you have it but only when its gone like
the field of stalks. Marriage is like the tree you chopped,
it's a compromise . . ."

What else do you expect your friend to do? Stay unmarried for the rest of his life? Moreover, you never know the circumstances which made him to say yes for the marriage.

It takes experience.. very bitter ones to learn life's lessons.



8:34 PM  
Blogger D LordLabak said...

Venkat, though the story is very nice and thought-provoking, I dont agree with the trivialisation of marriage vis-a-vis love. Marriage is a more mature relationship with a lot more at stake and hence should be given more importance.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Yadayada said...

Yous post reminds me of the book "Real Love" by Greg Bayer. The author talks about the ability to care unconditionally about the happiness of another person. "When we're unhappy, our misery is not the fault of our partner. Blaming that person is therefore foolish, wasteful and destructive, because no matter how much we demand or insist, he or she cannot make us happy."

Nice post!

4:40 PM  
Blogger The Practical Idealist said...

I don't know if what I have to say will make sense to you, but IMO, there's no relationship that can be called unconditional. And parenthood is no exception. If parents think that there's no way they would be happy if they took care of their child (or otherwise did what they thought amounted to taking care of their child), then how many parents will truly continue to do so?

The one incredible quality, however, that I find in parents is that they seem to defy conventional norms when it comes to what makes a human being happy. Usually, in friendship, our ego feels pleased if our friend listens to what we say and follow it. With parents, however, even if their son / daughter does not listen to them, they seem to find happiness if they see their son / daughter happy.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agree with you there - Parent->child love is unconditional, other relationships strings are attached. Such unconditional love can be called as altruism.

There is apparently a scientific explanation for this. Theory says that there is no true altruism.
Altruism in ethology and evolutionary biology
Selfish Gene

De-romanticising love by science, LOL. Well u know scientists.

10:43 AM  
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4:07 PM  

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