Me Thinks

Friday, February 09, 2007

The Dilemma

I used to think one of the hardest things to do for most women post-marriage or post-child is deciding whether to work or stay home. Now I've realized that the hardest thing is taking that decision, sticking to it and not thinking about the road not taken. It is hard.

28 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

To me, deciding NOT to work and thinking of working is harder compared to deciding to work and thinking of not working!

This is because deciding not to work is your call and can be taken any minute. But going back to work doesn't happen immediately.

Right place, Right time, Right job for a post marriage / post child women... to me thats challenging!

4:12 PM  
Blogger Lavanya said...

That needs a lot of mental strength. A lot of trust on other people. It requires the mom to give up the 'none can take of the kid as much as I do'- syndrome. A lot of ability to handle senti dialogues from kids.

In my childhood, I found being a child of a working mother is also not as easy. Though it made me lot more independant and worldly-wise. I guess that has made my decision to stay home easier.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Ajay said...

well..its like anything else..
tho going by the rate ur posts appear i guess it dont matter;)

8:25 PM  
Blogger Syam said...

its just a decision not an agreement...you can always change your decision

9:42 PM  
Blogger Inder said...

yeah... sticking on to decisions is indeed tough. mind always ponders on 'if only i had' and 'if only i had not' :)

10:37 PM  
Blogger Oracle said...

All this dilemma and upma will melt once you see your kid call u amma instead of mom!

Smile :)

Bala

12:34 AM  
Blogger Rajesh said...

yeah. wish it were the men who had to take that decision and ponder over it like Robert Frost.

1:41 AM  
Blogger I said...

en pa Rajesh, ipdi ellam?

3:34 AM  
Blogger Nilu said...

Or, wonder why you felt lazy to buy the condom. Hindsight is irritating.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Shiva said...

It's always hard when we rethink on the decisions we had made. We look back for on option to rewind our lifes over a period, so that we can change the decisions made. But, we made the conscious decison that was apt for that moment. Right or Wrong, just stick to it. Priorities might change and you might decide differntly. Life goes on....

7:59 PM  
Blogger reborn said...

:)
when i decide on something, i try to go by what heart says ...

never take decisions in hurry ...take your own time ..and before deciding , decide not to repent on the decisions later on ...But i know easier said than done !!

2:13 AM  
Blogger Misam said...

And, of course its not the woman's responsibility alone. If both the parents have careers and, say, 5 years of "stay at home" is required(including pregnancy) by one of the parents is required it can be split fifty-fifty by the parents.

There will be certain factors like who can return to the job more easily, who cares more about the job etc.

But I strongly believe the mother shouldering all the responsibility of "stay at home" is not a given and ought to be challenged.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Yuva said...

well.. do you think.. that depends on work? if its creative or self-employed professional then its much different.

if interest and priority drives the decision then implementing those is not very difficult (may be not easy but certainly not difficult)

btw: its very easy to comment but i will never know the ground reality..;-D

/Yuva

10:40 AM  
Blogger Yuva said...

on different subject: thought this might interest you.

why do Mom blog?

10:46 AM  
Blogger Me too said...

Dilemma because we have choice!

1:18 PM  
Blogger Deepa said...

Anon, manam oru kurangu, they say in tamil. It yearns for something thats not always there.:-)
Lavanya, there is no one right way to do things.
Ajay, I didnt get what you said.
syam, thats true. But I am talking about the mind (or is it heart?) that doesn't really come to terms with your decision.
Right Inder. Thats what I am talking about.
Oracle Bala, I know you are jesting but seriously what diff does it make whether the kid calls you mom or amma?
Rajesh, some men go thru this too.
Nilu, I guess you are talking from the man's perspective.
shiva, I am not talking about myself in this post. But true just stick to it. I did that and am happier than I thought I would be. And frankly, thats because I was making that decision to make myself happy.
reborn, you said, easier said than done.
misam, I guess whoever makes more money should continue to work. I've seen that happen a few times actually.
yuva, I was self-employed for a while, its definitely not easy that way.:-)
MT, thats true. But its not always that you have a choice in this matter.

5:04 PM  
Blogger KK said...

Once taken a decision... never think again if it was the right decision.... thats my policy...

5:52 PM  
Blogger mommyof2 said...

You can always change your mind if you feel like it:-)

6:34 PM  
Blogger I said...

Tats a nilu imposter.

7:42 PM  
Blogger ashok said...

My wife's in the same boat...I can understand the dilemma ...

5:41 AM  
Anonymous ttm said...

There are still lot of ventures you can do from home too :)

11:34 AM  
Blogger Ajay said...

Deepa,
i said since ur posts r appearing very regularly it doesnt matter whether u r working or not..
supposedly a slight jab at ur "busy" work schedule...

1:45 PM  
Blogger Ginkgo said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Mahadevan said...

After deciding not to work, if one sits at home, one cannot escape thinking about the road not taken. One needs to engage himself/herself in another activity.

1:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree your words mahadevan

11:57 PM  
Blogger Inbavalli said...

Happened to see your blog. I too was undecided after my first child, but later decided to continue working. However, I quit after the second one.

Now I freelance. It's quite tiring but then I do have a career to write home about. And I am around 24-hours for the kids. Not that that's a great blessing for them ;-)

Sometimes, I do regret quitting my full-time job, especially when I see my colleagues (less efficient ones than me, I must add immodestly add at this point)earning four times what I do as a freelancer. Well, may be one day I will back in action full-time !!

2:06 AM  
Blogger I said...

enna achu republican allentown

11:24 PM  
Blogger Deepa said...

kk, right is a very relative term. Its not that easy to say whether its right or wrong once you've taken it.
mommy-of-2, thats true but changing is not a feasible option sometimes.
Ashok, I took a good decision last year and I have no regrets. Now its time to make another decision and now I am in a dilemma.
TTM, there are 2 things - job and career. One can do a million jobs while staying home.
Ajay, I quit working fulltime in 2005 and was self-employed and did the same job (self-employed) till Mar 2006. And ever since I've been the stay-at-home kind. My work is spending time with my son ONLY right now. And I didnt think I'd enjoy it this much.
True Mahadevan Sir. I am sure you know how much time is involved in rearing a kid.:-)
Inbavalli, I hear you. I quit too and thats only because I wanted to be around and I am not sure how much my son actually "needs" me. So for my own selfish reasons I quit and I guess thats whay I am happy. Now I need to decide on whether I should look out for a job or continue to do this. I am torn.
I, unakku naan adha patthi mail pandren.

12:06 PM  

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